Dear Innocent Smoothies,

We have to do something about the ‘shploink’.

I refer to the chain of events set in motion by the reaction of a 1L Innocent carton on first being opened.

After shaking the carton as instructed (or even if not), it is impossible to open the plastic tab without initiating the ‘shploink’ sequence of occurences. This sequence consists of grasping the tab, twisting and pulling, the aforementioned ‘shploink’ sound, and inevitably a few drops of Innocent being cast in random directions around the kitchen.

Since most Innocents are consumed at breakfast time, please note that many of your customers will be wearing crisp white shirts in preparation for the working day. Furthermore, you may recall that the average Innocent Smoothie is brightly coloured, often requiring a change of shirt and concommitant expense of dry-cleaning and extra laundry cycles etc. (in my experience, you can just about get away with banana/coconut, but orange/mango is more problematic, and anything involving raspberries is completely out of the question.)

Given the proximity of the consumer to the carton, it’s highly likely the ‘shploink effect’ is causing considerable lost productivity and frustration across the UK economy.

Please devote all possible resources to the solving of this serious problem, with immediate effect.

Best,

Chris Worth