Management Accounting is a lot like… making love to a beautiful woman

Guest lecturer today, and he’s rather good. Articulate, affable, intelligent and personable with relevant experience in the financial field up the wazoo.

Unfortunately, he also looks exactly like a a famous character from a 1990s British comedy show and the Brits in the room spend the hours in the shaking silence of barely suppressed merriment.

Now, when you sit in the front row most of the time this does NOT come as a welcome touch of humour in the tortured second term of an MBA; it’s terrifying. Every minute, every second, I’m on the verge of corpsing into fits of helpless laughter.

With an iron will I steady myself. (NO! NOT an iron will! That sounds like something Swiss Tony’d have! “Stopping yourself from laughing is a lot like making love to a beautiful woman… you need an iron willSTOP!!!) The next case study numbers come up on the big board.

I am hoping – fervently – that the business won’t be a used car dealership. If that happens I won’t be able to stop myself.

Luckily it’s a hotel chain. (“Running a hotel is a lot like…STOP!”) I DARE not glance around at the other Brits; I’m certain EVERYONE is seeing the joke here, but they’re protected by a row or two of people. Why oh why do I always have to sit at the front?!!

He’s got all the traits Swiss Tony would have if he were a real life person: i.e slightly more authentic and less exaggerated. He’s possibly the actual person Swiss Tony was based on: a certain suaveness and assumed gravitas that are easily parodied, just on the right side of caricature and ripe for pushing over the edge into comedy. Which of course makes it all the more comical. Help me, I can’t stand it!

After about 1000 years or so it’s time for the coffee break, and five adult males collapse in hysterics. Only 90 minutes to go. We can make it, I think.

Management Accounting. You’ve got to keep your figures in shape, plan your activities for maximum payback, and drive down deeply and repeatedly into the relevant areas. In fact, it’s a lot like making love to a beautiful woman.

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