Beating alcohol (senseless)

I wish I had an addictive personality.

To any creative, alcohol is more a professional tool than a personal vice; campaigns get greater after a bottle of Rioja, headlines and copy flow more freely. There’s scientific backing for the process, too: alcohol is a depressant, but the first thing it depresses is your inhibitions, allowing creativity to flood and the essential stuff of Big Ideas to make it onto an A3 pad in Magic Marker.

But at Christmas I decided to cut down my alcohol intake, and that was that. It wasn’t even difficult. I cut down to a glass a night and none midweek, and that was ALL. I wish it’d been harder.

Hey, I’m not going to bill anything in January, anyway. Sobriety rules!

The is NOT campaign

Here’s the idea: for the next month, whenever you update your Facebook ‘is box’, update it with something you’re NOT doing.

“Chris is NOT updating his blog when he should be studying.”

“Chris is NOT munching his way through a gallon of Ben & Jerries after midnight.”

“Chris is NOT entertaining anyone surnamed Portman, Moss or Sharapova back at his place tonight.”

You get the idea. Try it for a day or two and see if it catches on.

The mask begins to slip

A man walks into a doctor’s surgery. He’s not old, but his face is a mask of anguish and the set of his shoulders weary. He’s carrying all the troubles of the world.

“Doctor, I need help. I used to love the world and all the people in it; now I feel nothing except worry and frustration. Please, please, give me something to end this pain.”

The doctor thinks a moment. Then, tearing a handbill off his noticeboard: “The solution is simple. The great clown Pagliacci is in town tonight. Go and see him perform. That will cheer you up.”

The man bursts into tears.

“But doctor… I am Pagliacci.”