New Conservative is Labour donor

Oh bloody hell. Cameron’s done it now. You’ve just lost the election, Dave.

How could you be – so – inutterably – stupid?

When checking a potential candidate’s background for the Conservative party, shouldn’t ‘Not Labour supporter’ be one of the first boxes to be ticked?

It sounded great on paper: recruit a well-known face, who’s also an ethnic minority, to be an MP candidate for a party not known for its diversity. And in their enthusiasm to sign him up, somehow the small matter of him posing for photos with Tony Blair got overlooked.

Look, Dave, you’ve got to get a grip. The Conservative Party, with its ethos of self-reliance, low taxes, and respect for tradition, is not of general appeal to minorities. Just accept that. In trying to be all things to all people, you’ve lost your way. It’s time to refocus on your natural constituency of the white middle and upper classes. Since these groups are particularly hard-pressed at the moment, you’ve got a golden opportunity to reconnect with all of those who gave Blair a chance last time round. And you’re wasting it.

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