This report reminded me why I hate pandas.
I mean, why is an animal without the sense to eat anything more nutritionally valuable than bamboo shoots and won’t even screw to save its species so uncritically loved by 99% of the world’s humans? Pandas are ABSOLUTELY USELESS CREATURES.
Pandas are TOO FUSSY. Only a small number of bamboo species are acceptable dinner to them, and they change their minds all the time. No species with such food faddisms deserves to be exempted from Darwinism.
Pandas are STUPID. Just sitting around expecting the food to come to them? Pandas have a ridiculous sense of entitlement: if they were human, they’d be stars of CCTV and reality shows, and we’d be deriding them as lazy trailer trash. They’re the chavs of the animal world.
Pandas DON’T REPRODUCE. You’d think that when breeding seasons are few and far between, they’d at least be able to make the effort for a night or two. But apparently romance is dead in panda country. Few pandas show any interest in sex, and it can’t be just because they all look the same. Or are they just too selfish to bring fresh pandas into the world?
And lastly, saving useless pandas TAKES RESOURCES AWAY from creatures who’d be more grateful. Many termite species are in trouble, but – because termites don’t look out at you from a fat furry face with big soulful black eyes, nobody cares about termites. And yet termites are AMAZING creatures. Just a few thousand neurons each, yet together they build architecture whose equivalent human scale would be buildings the size of Everest. Termites are incredible. And yet some species are in terminal decline. All because of those bastard pandas.
I hate pandas.