Shopping for a new bathroom….

…and I can’t believe how bad the copy is. I mean, sites like bathroomheaven may be all about toilets, but the sales blurb is down the pan already.

I mean, how about this for a bidet:

“Smooth curves make this bidet essential!” – Well yes, as opposed to, say, jagged spikes that stick up your bottom

Or a corner bath:

“Thought corner baths were about making a luxurious statement in your bathroom? Think again!” – You’re right, baths should be anything but luxurious

There’s more.

“Small but perfectly formed, the Avocado comes in two gorgeously shaped sizes.” – I wonder if the large size is a more gorgeous shape than the small size?

“Made for mucking about in, the Play makes the most of its internal space with a full triangular bathing area.” – I didn’t realise the triangle was the basic measure here. And what shape would a partial triangle be, anyway?

“A truly minimal ultra modern back to wall WC with angular lines.” – Hope they mean ‘minimalist’

“In this section we’ve collected together a selection of beautifully small baths” – Wow, they really think smallness is the end of the rainbow here

“Enjoy hassle-free showering” – Thank the stars, I usually have such nerve-wracking experiences in there

“The ideal solution for spaces where installing a properly sealed fixed shower enclosure is a problem.” – What, this one’s designed to be leaky?

“Why stop at just a set of taps for your bath?” – OK, I’ll have the go-faster stripes and the rear spoiler too

“Don’t just light your bathroom – showcase your style” – Right, better set up that live video feed to the street now

And even the rubber ducks don’t escape:

“At 11 inches tall, Big Daddy is king of the Bathroom – this duck is a real monster! He’s definitely the most impressive rubber duck we’ve ever seen.” – There’s that much competition around is there? Hey, I’m not calling it ’11 inch Big Daddy’ out loud when I’m in the bath.

Anyone know a good copywriter?

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